When No Lover Comes
by Nelson Bannaba
Summary: Tormented by the past, Sango finds herself growing dependent on Kagome for companionship and comfort. She soon realizes that her feelings for Kagome are more intense than either of them can handle. Oneshot SangoKagome,lime. 1st Place IYFG Best Yuri 1Q06


_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha and make no profit from writing this story._

_**Warning: Sexual content**_

Note: When No Lover Comes placed first in the Best Yuri/Yaoi category at the IYFG during the first quarter, 2006!

_x x x x_

_I can give myself to her_

_In her dreams_

_Whispering her own poems_

_In her ear as she sleeps beside me_

**--Yosano Akiko **

Kagome wrapped her arms securely around the shaken Taijiya as she struggled for breath.

"I'm here," she breathed into Sango's ear. "It was just another dream."

"But I… my heart… it's beating so fast and…" Sango couldn't finish her sentence, but lay gasping against her friend, her hand fisted tightly against her chest.

"Don't try to talk," Kagome hugged her closer and smoothed the dark hair away from her eyes. "Shhh, just lie against me, OK?"

After a few minutes, Sango's breathing returned to normal, but she didn't move. The soft sound of Kagome's breathing and the warmth of her body against her left her feeling at peace. There were few times she could still imagine that all was right with the world. This was one of them. Kagome's hair tickled her nose and she risked a nuzzle against her shoulder to remove it.

"Sango?" Kagome asked when she realized her friend was awake, "What did you dream about this time?"

"I don't remember" she muttered. Wan, pale faces of ghosts and the sensation of a dark, cramped space flashed before her mind's eye. More images bubbled up from her subconscious and she felt compelled to make sense of them. The words poured out of her in a rush, "We were pursued by Naraku's demons. Our movements and attacks were sluggish. We could barely lift our weapons as they hurtled through the sky toward us. We tried to run, but our feet seemed to be rooted to the ground. One by one, the demons slammed into the other Taijiya around me. Kohaku and I crawled across the ground until we came to a building. We squeezed through a little opening we found in the floor. We hoped to hide under there. The opening was so narrow that I had to slide myself along while Kohaku gripped my ankles."

She paused there and shivered. "There was no light. I couldn't see where I was going. The walls started closing in around me and I heard screaming…"

Sango buried her face in Kagome's shoulder, hoping to dispel the dark shadows which flitted through her thoughts. After a moment she said, "It doesn't matter. I'm fine now, and tired. Let's try to get back to sleep." She pushed lightly against Kagome until she relaxed her grip on her shoulders.

"Goodnight...and thanks," she whispered as she slipped back down onto the futon.

Kagome sat beside her for a few minutes while Sango feigned sleep. Once she felt the slight shift that indicated her friend had risen, Sango opened her eyes and willed herself to stay awake until morning.

x

_My heart is like the sun,_

_Drowned in darkness,_

_Soaked with rain,_

_Beaten by the winds_.

---**Yosano Akiko**

'Panic attack' was the phrase Kagome had used to describe the disturbing bouts of shortness of breath and heart-wrenching fear which Sango had been experiencing as of late. She thought the phrase was as an apt a description as any for the awful brew of feelings which boiled forth from her subconscious to overwhelm and incapacitate her.

Kagome told her that her cousin experienced panic attacks after she had been injured in a car wreck. The girl's best friend had died in the same wreck. According to Kagome they were frightening but harmless, but that didn't stop the attacks from chipping away at her sense of well-being. Once Kagome started coming to her aid, Sango's daytime panic attacks subsided. If she was near to Kagome during at night, the nightmares and panic attacks disturbed her sleep less frequently.

The first time Sango had experienced one of these attacks was immediately after Kohaku's possession and her family's death. She was alone then except for Kirara. The alien fear had invaded her mind, freezing her emotions one by one, wrapping her within its cold, heartless fingers until she was left feeling all but dead inside.

x

Sango had gotten off to a rocky start with Inuyasha's group, but soon she realized the truth about what had happened to her village, her brother, and to herself. She wanted to blame and hate herself for falling prey to Naraku's trickery, but the light touch of the young miko's fingers as she tended her wounds made the self-hatred seem heavy and unwieldy.

Sango watched Kagome through half-lidded eyes, drawn in by her smile as much as the lithe touch. She felt something inside of her awaken, a small songbird returning once again after the frosts of winter had retreated.

x

Miroku proved to be a pleasant distraction. He pulled her thoughts away from her tragedy and down the hormone-driven road of teenage infatuation.

He was handsome, likable and kind. Yet his lechery was abrasive enough to keep her feelings in check. He was a safe target for her wounded heart. She was able to keep her deeper feelings locked up with little risk of injury. She chatted cheerfully with her new friends and felt normal again. Like Kohaku, she was not interested in facing her past.

Inuyasha was the driving force which kept the group together, and she liked him well enough. She could see past his uncaring façade, however, and easily spot the pain hidden well beneath the surface.

x

_The leaves of the bush clover rustle in the wind._

_I, not a leaf,_

_Watched you without a sound._

_You may have thought I paid no attention._

_---**Kenrei Mon-in Ukyo No Daibu**_

And then there was Kagome. Without her, the group would be unable to function. She located the shards and many times over her miko powers were the only thing which could counter the results of Naraku's clever attacks. Sango had studied the young miko from the start, watching out of the corner of her eye going about her daily tasks, fighting with Inuyasha, even while she was sleeping.

Sango was both curious and envious. At times, she tried to emulate the carefree, young woman. She admired the fact that her determination to fulfill her given task was derived not from pain or revenge, but from an inner strength. Kagome was loving, giving, and blessedly untouched by those cruel fingers which had ripped at Sango's heart and soul.

A kernel of warmth began to grow in Sango's wounded heart for the girl once the dreams and 'panic attacks' had started up again. Kagome comforted her, held her. She sacrificed sleep and a warm sleeping bag to be there by her side while Sango spouted nightmare-induced gibberish and wept uncontrollably on her shoulder.

x

Sometimes at night, Sango crept across the camp and lay beside her friend. With her forehead a hair's breath from Kagome's, she breathed in the comforting scent of her orange-scented shampoo.

x

If she awoke, shaking uncontrollably and screaming, Kagome was there. During the nights, she was content only if she rested in the crook of Kagome's arm like a well-protected fledgling. As the days wore on, her thoughts turned more and more to Kagome. She found herself coming up with excuses to be near her now, whether it was to assist with the meal or drawing her into idle conversation about her home and family. She felt empty and flat when she was not constantly by her side.

Sango also found herself grinding her teeth each time she witnessed an argument between Inuyasha and Kagome. Little things that had not bothered her before, such as Inuyasha teasing Kagome about slowing the group down, now made her angry.

She began to feel the urge to throw herself between them when the two of them argued, as if the shield of her body could stop the false, uncomfortable smiles that Kagome gave her afterwards.

Sango experienced a subtle shift in her loyalties within the group as she grew more protective of KagomeShe wasn't certain it was a good thing. Their little group worked together amazingly well.

_Everything changes eventually_, she reminded herself, trying to shrug off the confused and guilty feelings.

x

"I'm going back home in a few days," Kagome gave Sango a pained smile. "M mother is probably worried and I need to take tests and re-stock my supplies."

Sango suddenly felt as if she were falling. Her hand shot out to steady herself against a low-hanging tree branch though she had not faltered.

Kagome shuffled her feet in the dry earth, which caused puffs of grey dust to rise and settle over her shoes. She leaned over to brush them off, adding, "Um, I wanted you to know, since we've been spending a lot of time together lately."

Sango's reply caught in her throat. The vague words that Kagome used to refer to their recent relationship left a bitter taste. She stood there silently as Kagome righted herself, but hesitated to meet her friend's eyes.

"You know I have to go. I know that you need me right now, but please don't make me feel guilty like Inuyasha always does."

Sango winced at the comparison but made no reply. Kagome looked up at her with pleading eyes, "Just tell me you're okay with it. I have enough trouble with Inuyasha trying to stop me from going home…"

"Go if you have to. I'll be fine," Sango replied, her own voice sounding harsh to her ears.

Kagome gave her a relieved smile which Sango did not return. She felt the unjustified urge to lash out. She knew that she had no viable reason to be angry with Kagome, but that thought only increased her urge to lash out more. She snapped out, "Why do you let Inuyasha push you around so much?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders.

Not satisfied by this response, Sango continued, "Why exactly is his opinion important to you, anyway? Why is he so important to you?"

Kagome's chin snapped up and she gave Sango a surprised look, "Well, he's… you know …." She looked at the ground and appeared to be fascinated by a twig.

Sango knew this look. It was the look that Kagome often wore when she thought someone caught her staring at Inyasha. She narrowed her eyes, anger making her tactless, "He's a hopeless cause. You know that."

"Inuyasha has always been there for me—he's not at all like the selfish, rough character he'd like us to believe. And he is not 'hopeless'," she said defensively.

"You know what I mean," Sango countered, "it's obvious you have feelings for him." Sango regretted saying the words as soon as she'd finished. She wished she could cover her ears or run away, anything to avoid hearing Kagome's reply.

"It's true," Kagome was staring down at the twig again, "I do care for him deeply. Why is that wrong?"

_And what am I to you, _Sango thought angrily, _just someone you happen to be 'spending a lot of time with lately'. _"You know very well he's in love with Kikyo. I've never heard anything so ridiculous…"

Her hurtful words trailed off as Kagome fled her presence, tears streaming down her face.

Sango's head stared to spin and her heartbeat began to accelerate. She leaned against the tree branch, gasping slightly. _No, _she told herself, _I will not do this._

_x _

Sango found her crying beneath a tree not too far away.

She eased herself down beside Kagome. "I'm sorry," she told her softly as she wrapped her arms tightly around her shoulders. She was tempted to lay her head against Kagome's shoulder, but instead pulled Kagome's head down against her own shoulder.

Kagome's weeping subsided as Sango gently slid the back of her hand over her cheek. Kagome tilted her head up to look at her and Sango could see that her eyes still glistened with tears.

But Kagome smiled and placed her hand on the back of Sango's neck, pulling her down until her forehead touched her own. Sango's heart began to beat faster and she felt a flash of fear. Her sudden fear melted away as she realized that this reaction had little to do with panic.

It was not clear when Sango's touch stopped being one of comfort and became one of exploration. Her fingers lightly traced Kagome's cheek. Her fingers wandered to the edge of her jaw line and hovered there. Her hand trembled ever so slightly. She allowed her fingers to stray across Kagome's exposed ear. The bold action sent a shiver of excitement through her.

Kagome's eyes fluttered open in surprise as Sango began to trail her fingers down her throat towards the nape of her neck.

Sango leaned forward suddenly and brushed her lips against her collarbone. Kagome gasped and the sound sent a rush of warmth through Sango's chest. She began to trail feathery kisses up Kagome's neck.

She didn't want to think. She simply wanted to touch and feel. She closed her eyes and knew only the salty taste of Kagome's skin against her mouth.

When she reached her lips, Kagome stiffened. Sango's eyes flew open. She pulled back slightly and stared down into Kagome's wide eyes. Her mind felt muddled, foggy, as if she had just woken from a dream.

"Sango, what are you doing?"

Sango was close enough that Kagome's warm breath tickled her lips. "I never planned for this to happen," she answered softly. "Forgive me." Before Kagome could answer, she lowered her mouth and kissed her

When Kagome's lips parted and her tongue tentatively touched her own, she was lost in a world of sweetness. Sango captured her tongue and gently sucked it into her mouth, her mind and body awash with the warmth of the languid sensation.

She wanted more, but it was not until both of them were slick with sweat and desire that she lowered herself and Kagome to the ground until they both lay stretched out on the forest floor.

"Kagome," her voice was a hoarse whisper, "will you love me, Kagome?"

Kagome answered again and again with her lips, her hands, and soft, mewling cries.

x

Sango found that she enjoyed pulling leaves out of Kagome's hair almost as much as she enjoyed the sex. A simple act, yet so familiar. She pulled Kagome closer and leaned her head against Kagome's bare shoulder.

"I want to stay like this forever," she whispered in her ear, "with you."

Kagome giggled. "That tickles you know," Kagome murmured as she squirmed beneath her. Sango breathed in her ear again, sending her into another fit of giggles.

Sango leaned her head back and watched with half-lidded eyes as the leaves on the high, oak branches trembled in the breeze, scattering the sunlight upon the earthen floor.

"The world is so beautiful," she said in an awed voice, "but only when I'm with you."

x

_How can I blame the cherry blossoms_

_For rejecting this floating world_

_And drifting away as the wind calls them?_

**---Shunzei's Daughter**

Sango paced the length of the glade which surrounded the bone-eater's well. The heat of the mid-summer sun burned the back of her neck, but she hardly noticed.

It had been over two weeks since Kagome had gone through the well to her own time. Sango had dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. Her panic attacks had returned in full force. She felt abandoned, alone, and most of all, angry.

x

"Why are you always here," Inuyasha asked her one day as she sat waiting on the lip of the well.

She ignored him, so he pressed her further, "You never did before. It was always me."

He approached and sat cross-legged on the ground beside her. Sango realized he was not leaving and told him simply, "I miss her."

"She's only a friend right?" Inuyasha gave her a hard look.

Sango nodded her head, "Yes, of course. She's my friend". She avoided his eyes, her face burning with the implications of his words.

"We're a lot alike, you and I," he said. "We both expect far too much from her."

He chuckled to himself and gave her leg a friendly shove, "She has to run away or else we'd take it all."

Sango thought it was the most perceptive thing she'd ever heard him say. Rather, she corrected herself, it was the _only _perceptive thing she'd ever heard him say.

x

_Only the waning moon _

_visits my garden_

_Where no lover comes_

---**Ise Tayu**

When Kagome returned through the well, she gave Sango the same smile that she gave to everyone else. Sango's eyes burned with tears and she rushed off alone.

She had felt incredibly alive those last few days before Kagome had returned home. She supposed the problem with such frenzied happiness was that you had much further to fall to reach bottom.

Sango returned to her family's abandoned village for a time and she even considered leaving the group altogether.

But as she sat alone within the quiet hut, she remembered that her father had always valued strength above all else. Sango had been strong once and she wondered if she could find it in herself to be that way again.

It hurt to remember the past. The thought of doing so terrified her. But the thought occurred to her that to avoid remembering was the same as forgetting. She felt saddened, ashamed, and relieved all at once as the tears streamed down her cheeks. Memories of her father flooded her mind. She recalled the way he once held her high in the air as she tried to touch the clouds.

She slept deeply that night and awoke feeling strangely hopeful. The ghosts and fear did return to her dreams on other nights, but through the haze of pain she forced herself to recall her father and other family members as the strong men and women that they'd once been, not the pale, frightened ghosts of her dreams.

On her way back to Edo, Sango wondered what it was that Kagome wanted, what she hoped for out of life. She decided that she should ask her, when the moment was right.

Autumn was fast approaching and each strong breeze sent a blaze of color swirling around her as the brittle leaves took flight before settling again on the forest floor. A leaf grazed her cheek and Sango caught it between her fingertips. Squinting, she held it up to the sun. She studied the delicate veins of the leaf, made almost transparent in the sunlight before she let it slip from her fingers to float away on the gentle breeze once more.

"Beautiful," she breathed as she watched it twirl and dip gracefully in the wind.

_AN: Please review and let me know what you think. This one-shot was written for the Live Journal community, Iyflashfic. (February, 2006)_


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